


How To Find A Smile

by ready_to_kick_some_ass



Series: Adoption AU [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Family Bonding, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Jemma Simmons, Kid Leo Fitz, Parent Melinda May, adoption au, mama may
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 02:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15876468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ready_to_kick_some_ass/pseuds/ready_to_kick_some_ass
Summary: Sequel to "Behind Closed Doors".May adopts Leo too and brings him home with her, after he's released from the hospital.The things his father did to him changed him.May and Jemma try to help Leo finding his smile and words again.





	How To Find A Smile

Melinda May has seen a lot of violence in her life.  
She has seen battered bodies of women and men.  
She has seen fire, smoke and blood. Screaming people everywhere.  
Chaos.  
She had always been right in the middle of it.

May was good in what she was doing.  
Everyone told her so.  
She was the best, they said. The best for the hardest jobs.

But it wasn't always like this.

In the beginning, every crime, every murder, affected her emotionally. She used to come home, feeling empty. Too empty to cry. She just sat on her bed, staring into the void, overwhelmed by the horrible things she'd seen.

Over the time, she developed coping mechanisms. She learned, how to distance herself from the images and noises of death.

The horrors of the crimes faded into the background, while she concentrated on what she wanted to do. What she was good in. Saving as many people as possible, protecting them from real life monsters. Hunting, fighting and – when it was inventible – killing those monsters.  
She was good.  
And she was cold when she needed to be.

While her job was important, it was also lonely.

She never really had a functioning relationship.  
There was a man once, Andrew, who managed to open her heart more than the others.  
She even thought, they could have children one day.  
But then came the day, she quit.  
The day, on which a little girl died in her arms.  
The day, when it was enough.

She changed after that day.

Andrew told her so.  
A lot of other people told her so too.  
She now wasn’t only cold when she needed to be, it was a constant state.

And she knew.

May started to push Andrew out of her life.  
She pushed everyone and everything away.  
The only thing she couldn’t get away from her, were the images of that day. The girl’s empty, unseeing eyes. The blood on the innocent face.  
She couldn't save her. She wasn't strong enough.  
And the guilt started to swallow her.  
  
For a while, she tried therapy.  
It helped for the nightmares, but it didn’t make the warmth coming back.  
Her life remained cold.

She thought about getting a cat. Or a dog.  
But she sensed, that it wasn’t, what she needed. Not really.

And then, Nick Fury called her one day. A friend from her violent past.  
“There’s a girl, Melinda. Jemma. She’s four and she’s incredible smart for her age. A little ray of sunshine. And she’s living in an orphanage in England at the moment.”

“Why are you telling me this, Nick?” May asked, frowning.

“Because this girl needs a mum. Because _you_ need a bit of sunshine in your life. And because she’s the Simmons' daughter, May.”

May’s stomach dropped. She had to support herself on the kitchen counter for a moment.  
“Are you serious?”

“I am. I didn’t even know they had a daughter. I also didn’t know they died shortly after her birth. Killed by a bullet in the head. Frank was undercover in the underground for too long and wanted to escape it too quick. He payed the price for it, I fear. At least I have closure now. I always was searching for them. You know that.”

May swallowed.  
“I’m sorry. I know you and Frank were close. But, Nick, I’m … I don’t think I would be a good mother.”

“Melinda. You’re the only one I trust to be the mother she needs. Trust me, you’re the right one. Come here and meet her. Then you know what I mean.”

May sighed.  
“Alright. For Frank and Susan.”

Jemma was indeed a little ray of sunshine. Her smile made May’s heart warm up for the first time in months.  
_She's what I need_ , May thought after a few hours, surprised at how quickly she opened herself to this little girl, playing with her like she never did something else, while Nick was watching them, smiling.  
_Exactly what I need. And maybe, hopefully, I can be what she needs._

She adopted Jemma.  
And the everlasting winter that was her life, made place for a warmer spring, that turned into bright summer at last.

May has seen a lot of violence in her life.  
She also has seen a lot of happiness and love. She has found it in Jemma, the bright shining sun in their little world.  
She has seen and felt a lot. 

But what happened to Jemma’s friend Leo Fitz is something else.

It brought a piece of violence back into her life.  
And she can’t detach herself from it.    
Not now, that she decided to adopt Leo too.  
A boy, that will undoubtedly be deeply traumatized by what happened.  
The things his father did to him, haunt May in new nightmares.  
She can only hope that this specific real-life monster will be locked up forever. Or _he_ is the one who should hope so.

When May wakes up, one day after it happened, she still feels sadness and rage.

At breakfast, Jemma complains about not being allowed to see Leo.  
“Can I at least visit him tomorrow?” She asks, pouting.

May hesitates. But eventually she shakes her head.  
“He’s sleeping, bumblebee,” she tells Jemma, knowing the look of a comatose person is deeply unsettling for most people. And her daughter is only ten years old. “We will wait until he wakes up, alright?”

Jemma doesn’t look happy about this, but she nods. “Alright …”

 

Nine long days pass in gloomy silence.

 

When the doctor finally calls her, to tell her that Leo woke up and is responsive, May leaves Jemma with Bobbie again, and hurries to the hospital, the adoption papers in her bag.

She is greeted by the same doctor, who spoke to her after Leo was brought to the hospital.  

“His arm is healing well,” he tells her. “But of course, he will need physical therapy to strengthen the muscles after the cast is taken off. Like we expected, the repeated loss of oxygen caused brain damage. When he woke up, it became apparent, that he has troubles finding and forming words. The term for it is aphasia. Since he noticed he can’t talk like he used to, he didn’t say another word. I think it’s frightening him and he's confused. He will have to go see a speech therapist as well.”  
He sighs.  
“He has to stay some more days because of his arm. Afterwards I guess we will have to hand him over to the child protective services. I’m sure they will take care of his further treatment.”

May clears her throat.  
“They won’t. I will. Leo will come home with me.”

The doctor looks at her surprised and a bit doubtfully.  
“But you aren’t related to him, are you?”

May shakes her head.  
“I adopted him.”  
She shows the man the papers.

“Ah.” He looks at them and nods. “I see. Well, in this case I will inform you when you can take him home with you. Do you want to see him now?”

May swallows.  
“Yes.”

The doctor leads her the room.

May tries to prepare herself mentally, before entering the room.  
But her heart aches, when she sees the little figure on the bed, one arm in a cast and a plaster on the right cheek.

She expected the empty look in his eyes. She has seen the same one by so many victims in the past, but it still gives her goose bumps. Again, she feels the white hot rage for the man who is responsible for this. The man who chose the alcohol over his son who just lost his mother. The man who was able to choke his own son with bare hands. May he rot in a prison cell …

When May approaches the bed, Leo looks at her blankly, his fingers restlessly playing with the duvet.  

“Hello Leo,” May says, trying to force a calm smile on her face.

She carefully sits on the edge of the bed,

“I’m Melinda May. Jemma’s mother,” she tells him. “I’m here to tell you, that you won’t go back to your father. He’s locked up now. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

The boy continues to look at her, his fingers stop moving, instead grabbing the blanket tightly.

“Now listen. You can go home with me,” May continues slowly, attentively watching his face for a reaction. “You can live with me and Jemma from now on. But first you have to tell me if you’re alright with that, Leo.”

For the first time she came into the room, the blankness in Leo’s eyes disappears, changing into a slight look of surprise and uncertainty.

May waits patiently.

Finally, Leo nods barely noticeable, his fingers tightening around the blanket.

That is _yes_ enough for May.

“Okay.” She smiles at him. “We can go home as soon as your cast is off, alright? Do you want Jemma to visit you tomorrow? She’s worried and wants to make sure you’re fine.”

Again, there’s a slight nod and it seems to May, as if Leo’s eyes get a bit brighter at the mention of Jemma.

May nods. She carefully lays a hand on Leo’s shoulder. He doesn’t recoil, so she leaves it there.

“It’s going to be alright, Leo,” she tells him softly. “From now on, you don’t have to be scared anymore. I promise.”

He looks at her, and she hopes that she doesn’t just imagine the glimmer of hope in his eyes.

*

The next day, May visits Leo with Jemma.

Her daughter is so excited, that she can’t sit still in the car, shifting restlessly on her seat and humming a few songs. May recognizes most of them.

When they arrive at the hospital, May stops the car and looks at Jemma.

“We have to talk, first,” she says, “Jemma. What happened to Leo affected him a lot. He’s scared and confused. He …”

“I know what happens, when people go through something really bad,” Jemma says seriously. “It’s called a trauma.”

May isn’t really surprised that her smart daughter knows the term.

She nods.

“Yes. It’s a trauma. And it won’t just go away, you understand? Still, we can help to make things better for him. We have to help him seeing, that there are people who care about him and that the future is a good place, do you understand?”

Jemma nods.  
“We’re his family now,” she says, raising her chin. “And we will care for him. Better than his awful dad did, right, mum?”

“Yes, bumblebee. And please also remember not to overwhelm him. Be calm and quiet around him today, and don’t talk too much about what happened, okay?”

“Okay, mum.”

May nods satisfied.

 

When they enter Leo’s room a while later, Jemma doesn’t run to the bed, but walks towards it slowly and calm.

“Hello, Leo,” she says, smiling.

Leo looks at her, his eyes widening. He doesn’t smile. But he raises his unhurt hand, to greet Jemma.

There’s a moment of silence, while the children are looking into each other’s eyes.

Then Jemma says softly, “You’re my brother now, Leo. And I will always protect you. I won’t ever leave your side.”

The words are uttered with so much honesty and feeling, that they almost make May cry.

When Jemma carefully hugs Leo and he lets her, she knows instinctively, that this little family is going to be okay. Somehow.

*

Soon, the cast is taken off and Leo does a bit physical therapy in the hospital.

The doctor finally tells May, that she can take him home.  
He wishes them all the best. Honestly.

May leads Leo out of the hospital to her car. He follows her, without saying a word.  

When they arrive at home, Jemma is still at school.

May leads Leo up the stairs to the empty bedroom, which she always considered as a guest room, although she never really had any guests.

They step into it, and May clears her throat.  
“This is your room,” she tells Leo.

The boy looks around, the expression on his face blank.  
Finally, he goes towards the bed and sits down on it. He folds his hands in his lap and looks at his feet, that doesn’t quite reach the floor.  

He looks so small.

May momentarily feels the urge to hug him, tell him that it will be alright – somehow.  
But she senses it wouldn’t be a good idea.

“You can sleep a bit,” she suggests. “We will have lunch later, when Jemma arrives.”

He doesn’t say anything. But after a moment, he lays on the bed, pulling the blanket over his thin figure.  
He turns to the wall, away from May.

She swallows.  
After a last glance at him, she leaves the room, closing the door behind her carefully.

*

Life goes on.  
Leo adds a few new things to it.

He can’t go to school right now, May knows.  
So, she teaches him the things, Jemma’s doing there, at home.  
Leo never talks, but he works eagerly and learns quickly. May senses, that it’s a good and welcome distraction for him.

May also has to find a speech therapist for Leo. She asks Nick, who knows a lot of therapists, since he’s a social worker for more than ten years now. He’s quite interested, when she tells him she adopted another child. But when she tells him about the backgrounds, he gets so angry, that he shouts a few curses into the phone. May doesn’t mind. She feels the same.

Soon, they have found a speech therapist, who seems to be both good and kind.  
She brings Leo there every Tuesday and Friday.  
But after the second time, the therapist tells her, that Leo won’t talk to her.  
May expected this. But she doesn’t quite know, what she can do about it. Not yet. But she thinks about it every night before falling asleep.

Once, she wakes up abruptly, because someone is screaming.

She needs a few seconds, sitting in bed startled, until she realizes it’s Leo.

But when she arrives in his room, she is surprised to see Jemma there, kneeling beside the bed, whispering something to Leo.

May hears the boy’s quickened, almost panicked breaths, seeing him trembling. But Jemma’s presence seems to calm him down.

So she stays in the background, just watching them. They have a certain, special kind of relationship, she thinks. It somehow reminds her of twins.

Jemma gifts Leo her old night light. It has the form of a monkey and it seems to help.

But not always.  
Leo has the nightmares almost every second or third night.

Once, he wets the bed.  
Although May tells him over and over again, that he doesn’t need to be ashamed for it, he weeps for a whole hour, his face hidden in the pillow.

Only after Jemma comes and hugs him, he calms down slowly.

Since the girl’s presence helps so much, May finally decides to let them share a room.

Jemma is thrilled.

Leo seems relieved.

And it gets better.

*

May thinks, that they are on a good way, but she starts to worry more and more about the fact, that Leo doesn’t talk.  
Right now, it’s holiday time. But he will have to go to school again sometime, she can’t let him stay at home forever.  
And all the therapy won’t help if he doesn’t even try to talk.

She tries a lot of things. But none of them work.  
He stays silent.  
There are no words.  
And no smile. Not even when he’s with Jemma.

“Mum, will Leo ever smile again?” Jemma asks May sadly, one Sunday, when they’re making biscuits together. Leo is in his room, reading. He's doing that a lot at the moment.

May feels a sharp pain in her heart at Jemma’s words.  
Children’s open, innocent questions always hurt the most.

She sighs.    
“I’m sure he will smile again, bumblebee. And talk. But he’s not ready for it just now, apparently. You know, we could do something nice for him, do you have an idea?”

Jemma thinks hard for a moment. Then, her eyes lit up.  
“We could go to the zoo!” She gasps, starting to bounce on her heels in excitement. “Leo loves monkeys he said once, mum! Maybe if he sees the monkeys, he will find his smile again!”

May nods, smiling. Why not. The zoo is not her favourite place, because she feels like majestic animals doesn't deserve to be locked up, but if it might help, she's ready to try it out.  
“That’s a good idea, bumblebee.”

*

A day later, they’re sitting in the car, on their way to the zoo.

Jemma talks the whole time, babbling about which animals they have and from how many countries they come. Like always, she did extended research.

Leo says not a single word.  
He leans his face against the cool windowpane, staring outside.

From time to time May looks at him in the back mirror, hoping so much, that the zoo will have a positive effect on him.

*

The zoo isn’t full.  
May is grateful for that, because Jemma runs off as soon as they bought the tickets and almost gives her a heart attack.  
“Jemma!” She calls, and the girl stops, looking over her shoulder a bit startled.

She hurries back to May and Leo, looking slightly guilty.

“Jemma,” May scolds softly. “I know you’re excited but you can’t just run off. The zoo is big. You have to stay with us.”

“I’m sorry, mum, I wanted to find the monkeys for Leo on the map,” Jemma says, slightly out of breath.

May sighs.  
“Well. Take your brother with you and you can have a look at the map together, how’s that?”

Jemma beams like she always does, when May calls Leo her brother.  
She reaches for his hand.  
“Come on, Leo, lets look for the monkeys!”

The boy slips his hand into hers, hesitantly following her.  
May walks behind them.

When they’re standing in front of the map, which is quite big, Jemma studies it, concentrated.  
“There!” She says cheerfully, pointing at the picture of a smiling gorilla. “There they are. We have to go this way! Past the lions and the tigers. Wow, look, they even have a jaguar. I’ve never seen one before!”

May nods.  
“Okay. We’ll go this way.” She points to the little shop at a corner. “Do you want to have ice cream first?”

“Yes!” Jemma calls.

Like always, she has some difficulties to decide, but still goes for her favourite like May expected, a popsicle with a chewing gum hidden in it.

May looks at Leo questioningly.  
“Which one do you want?”

Leo chews on his lip.

May hopes he will say something.  
But he just points at the picture of the cheapest popsicle.

May buys it and watches him eating it, with a rare joyful expression in his eyes.  
It makes her both happy and sad, because she suspects he hadn’t have ice cream for a long time. Or other good things.

They walk the way Jemma described, passing big lions and lazy tigers.

After half an hour, they arrive at the enclosures for all kind of primates.

First are squirrel monkeys.

“Oh, they are so cute, aren’t they Leo,” Jemma says, pointing at a monkey with a baby on her back.  
May smiles, as her daughter starts to rattle off everything she knows about squirrel monkeys. Which is quite a lot.

Meanwhile she also watches Leo attentively, to see his reactions.

The boy’s eyes follow the monkey mum, that now settles on a tree, to nibble on a piece of apple.  
There’s a certain kind of joyful gleam in it. He really must love monkeys, May thinks, and makes a mental note to buy him a plush monkey, when they’re leaving the zoo later.  

After the squirrel monkeys and capuchins, they come to a lemur enclosure. May is amazed when she sees, that they can actually go inside.  
Jemma runs right into it, but Leo stops in front of the door and hesitates.  
He looks at May, a question in his eyes.

“You can go in,” she tells him with a smile. 

Leo opens the door and walks past Jemma on the narrow way between trees and bushes for the animals. May follows him.

Inside, there’s a family with two disabled boys. May guesses they have down syndrome. They are laughing and pointing at the lemurs. They have a few carrot pieces with them, although a sign says, it’s forbidden to feed the animals. But May surely won’t tell them to stop. Not when the boys are clearly having the best day ever. And it’s only carrot. She’s quite sure lemurs are eating carrots anyway.

Jemma and Leo watch the lemurs eating the carrot sticks, even sitting on the shoulder of one of the boys, who is looking at the animal with wide open happy shining eyes.

Suddenly, the other boy is turning to Leo, smiling brightly and handing him a piece of carrot invitingly.

Leo stares at it for a moment, surprised.  
But finally, he takes it and nods at the boy, who smiles even brighter, turning his concentration to the lemurs again.

One of the small, jumpy moving animals sees the carrot in Leo’s hand and jumps on the boy’s shoulder, who lets out a slightly startled gasp.

The lemur stretches out its tiny fingers for the carrot piece, chattering excitedly.  
Leo raises his hand and holds the carrot to the animal, which starts to nibble at it.

Jemma watches in happy awe and May quickly makes a picture with her smartphone. She makes another mental note: She really needs a proper camera for moments like this.

She watches as Leo carefully lays a hand on the lemur’s back, stroking the soft fur, an amazed glimmer in his wide open eyes.

And then, it happens.

For the first time in weeks, he’s smiling.  
It’s a small and tentative smile, but it’s there.

And as the lemur is grabbing his finger, while eating, he laughs a little.

The noise warms May’s heart.

Jemma looks up at her knowingly.  
They share a relieved and happy smile.

They’re definitely on a good way.

 

They leave the zoo tired, but happy.

The drive home is silent.

Jemma yawns a lot and finally doses off, her stuffed giraffe in her lap.

Leo holds his stuffed monkey in his hands, staring down at it with a lost look.

May is satisfied and now full of a new kind of hope for the future.

 

When they arrive at home, May has to carry a sleeping Jemma into the house.  
She wakes her up so she can brush her teeth and put on a pyjama, exactly like Leo, who’s still awake, but yawns a lot. Jemma’s doing everything mechanically, almost dosing off again a few times.

Finally, both children are laying in their bed.

When May pulls the blanket over Jemma and gives her a kiss on the forehead, the girl is already fast asleep.

Leo is still awake.  
His fingers are playing with the blanket and his eyes are open. He seems thoughtful.

When May tells him goodnight, he looks up at her.    
He opens and closes his mouth for a few times, frowning.  
May waits patiently.

“Thanks,” Leo finally whispers hoarsely. And after some hesitance, he adds, “It, um, it w,w,was great. Really.”

May’s breath falters.

He didn’t just find his smile today. He also found his words.

She smiles, and strokes his hair tenderly.    
“I’m glad you enjoyed the zoo, Leo. We can go there again, sometime. If you want to.”

He blinks up at her, his eyes showing a wild mix of emotions.

And suddenly, he hugs her tightly, burying his face in her chest.

May carefully wraps her arms around him.

He starts to cry softly. She feels the tears soaking her shirt.

“It’s going to be alright,” she murmurs, holding him. “We’re going to be alright.”

 

She knows it.

**Author's Note:**

> *The thing with the disabled boys and the lemurs did in fact happen. And some rude man told them to stop feeding. I witnessed it and I still think it was awful from him, to destroy their obvious happiness ... They were on the edge of crying after this man scolded them. I mean come on, lemurs eat carrots. It would have been different if they fed them with sausages or bread, right?!*
> 
> I'm not a native speaker and always grateful for being corrected! I'm constantly trying to improve my English, so please don't hesitate to tell me about mistakes. <3
> 
> Visit me on tumblr: [ready-to-kick-some-ass](https://ready-to-kick-some-ass.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
